i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
