he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
