the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
