i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
