It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
