im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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