just tell him i said nine months
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He felt like a one man threesome
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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