watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
