am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
