Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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