so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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