Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
