Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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