you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize