Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She's JV to your varsity
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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