weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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