how can u be prego again
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
