woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
