Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
