All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
