I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
