We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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