I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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