Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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