you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
His hands were made for my vagina.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
