Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize