I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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