Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
