Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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