i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
