Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
