dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
