do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
