lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
