He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
