This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
