I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
