How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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