Sry I called you an 8
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
