I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
