I heard we made out
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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