yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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