The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
