I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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