So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
