Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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