um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
