I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
