My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
