Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
