oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
