Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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