your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
