speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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