you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
