His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
