Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
