I'm so fucking centered right now
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize