of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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