If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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