good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
