alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
