whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
