I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
