is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
