Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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