im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
