just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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