I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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