I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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