good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize