Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
