I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize