Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize