apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
