Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
