fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
