there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
