God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
