Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
