May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
