Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Randomize
